Let’s get jacked up for the election

jackAs municipal elections approach for this fall, I’ve found the perfect solution to the decision for whom to elect as fearless leader. The answer, discovered by screenwriters across North America, may be key to meeting political and economic challenges: we need a mayor named Jack.

Jack shows up everywhere. He’s courageous, motivated, smooth, funny – everything a suburb like St. Albert needs in these changing times. There are just so many Jacks to choose from, and each could bring his own contribution to our municipal legacy.

Jack Ryan, CIA agent and exceptional family man, is an ideal guy for the job. Smart, humble and ready to defend the city when needed, he’d be the answer to any international espionage. Plus having a picture of Harrison Ford grace our news regularly wouldn’t hurt our image.

Or there’s the suave lunatic Captain Jack Sparrow, a little bit pirate, a little bit gentleman, yet persuasive enough to sway our populace when times demand a fearless leader to make tough decisions. Some might consider our whole council to be a band of buccaneer bandits from time to time, but some outrageous adventure might do our community good.

If we could convince the St. Albert Botanic Park to invest in some magic beans, we could elect Jack the Giant Slayer to save our city. (Giants eat people, you know.) Yet, on the deeper, more universal question of our place in the universe, the MacGyver style Jack O’Neal of Stargate fame could lead us to worlds unknown: A place where unleashed dogs run happily, trains blow silent whistles, motorcycles have mufflers and mosquitoes never evolved.

If we ever seem isolated from the Capital region – like we’re Lost on an island – Dr. Jack Shepherd would lead us to be a cohesive and compassionate community that works together for the betterment of all citizens. Black smoke and Oceanic flights aside, we could use someone like him to sort through the moral implications of subsidized housing, caring for the homeless, or any impending disasters or nefarious characters with the name Ben, Ethan or Jacob.

To protect us from any imminent or imagined threat of terror or slanderous attack on our fine city, we would need just 24 hours with Jack Bauer in office. He’d make it happen. We’d have to close our eyes a few times to his tactics, but chances are he’d keep us safe from harm. And Elisha Cuthbert might visit.

A more recent hero, Jack Harper from this spring’s release of Oblivion, would teach us the manly way to live in a sleek, futuristic home in the clouds. Municipal taxes take a whole new meaning in the stratosphere.

If one of our articulated buses is victim to a speed-triggered bomb, Jack Traven could save our commuters in grace, style and a great smile. Or paleoclimatologist Jack Hall could lead us if the planet falls into a new ice age by promising to plow the streets The Day After Tomorrow. Still other options – Jack Reacher could handle any unsolved murders while Jack Dawson could brave the frigid waters if the city hits a Titanic-sized iceberg while urging us to never give up, to endure and live life to the fullest.

Still other time honoured Jacks of all trades would teach us the value of thumbs in plums, candlesticks, fat-free lifestyles and water conservation on hilltop wells (with the occasional consult from Jill).

Regardless of the skill set, I’m convinced that a vote for Jack would be a vote for our future. Of course, I’m one small voice of thousands. And I know Jack all.

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